Tissue Issues: My Friend Is Dragging Me Down. I am trying to help her but I could not help anymore than this.i could concentrate on caring myself, could not eat or sleep well. And he just feels like a failure and a burden onto everyone else to the point he has almost committed suicide twice. She doesnt like it when I do my own thing or want to go out or have something in my life other than her. By subscribing to this BDG newsletter, you agree to our. She likes me to stay home with here all the time. Most of her adult life was spent trying to stabilize from bipolarity. Thats not me! The couple times I have plucked up the courage to leave she has done drastic forms of self harm. Ive been there, multiple times. The act of moving things out can be difficult to deal with. During the relationship, she refused to be medicated or to be accompanied by a psychologist. Things are never as simple as you think. Things we fine for few months then i noticed our sex life taking the down hill road. AND finally, when everything feels fine, she doesnt acknowledge anything that happened. (All is Hell) Day in or out, shell leave me broken again, I know it, just dont know when. She did not want to fight, and when I thought finally thing would become better, she just said that she did not have time or energy to focus on the relationship, and wanted to focus on herself. If your partner makes you uncomfortable about being you, then her or she is only dragging you down. I dont know what to do, I want to go out and do stuff, cant be potato couch forever. It's to the point where her depression is dragging me down with her, though I would never say that to her. Also, Im placed as the general emotional support to everyone around me. Shes struggled to be present at her job, and isnt able to meet deadlines or pass things in on time. And thats when shit will get unbearable for the two of you. I am very patient and always will be because in my mind we love each other and relationship may not be perfect sometimes but thats okay in my eyes. Now dont get me wrong, I get shes depressed and I feel for her, but I used to never have outbursts in my relationship period, and by now, 8 years in, the only way to make her stop taking all of her aggressive-depression(not that shed get violent, but yell on the most absurd things)/anxieties on me is to stoop down to her level and shout back, which then makes me feel like a jerk, she (almost) never say sorry, and for everytime she yells at me, somehow at the end I have to apologize or shell frown at me forever (claiming everything is fine, but obviously is it) I am not sure if Im still with her for love, for the codependency that has definitely developed or simply because I have been doing this so long I dont know any different, I have almost the exact same problem. Method 1 Addressing It Right Now 1 Avoid reacting immediately. I am torn she is stunning and beautiful, cooks, looks after me but she doesnt look after herself. Seeing the change in her every day life and general well-being has been nothing short of a complete shock to me. However, i was in a grade above her and graduated and proceeded to get a job so i could support our lives, this made texting hard as i had very early starts and it was very physically and mentally tiring work, however i still texted her as much as possible. I dont mind being a caretaker.. but it has to be for someone who also cares about me. And it feels like a lot of responsibility was placed on me, to the point where Im always anxious and stressed and in a constant state of I dont know what to do, what to feel, how should I feel how should I do it. It drove me to breakdown myself. 1 shes too lazy 2 her parents dont let her. Sam is just absolute right, Ive been with the same girlfriend for 8 years, helping her to cope with her anxiety and depression, which are not mild, in return I became a cranky, fearful and highly depressed individual, as soon as she moved in with me the symptoms became severe and everything was somehow my fault, even though we always lived under my expense (before at my parents, now at a house that i pay for literally everything) shes not willing to work or do anything, she always finds an excuse why something wont work out (she has a doctors degree, and she can do a lot of things with that particular degree she simply refuses to always citing some excuse about how its never going to work). Now I am questioning myself whether to leave her or hold her.whether she ll feel better later on if I suppose leave her. She wont tell me whats going on. To me all of these modern mental issues we see are a result of too much free time, too many choices and the conveniences we enjoy. Next time you feel like this world is messed, go outside and try something new. You sound like a great boyfriend supporting her an everything.But where us your relationship right now?I mean,have you become just a caretaker for her,a shoulder to cry on?Or have you guys maintained your relationship to a good enough level so far?This is very important because what happens once she gets over her depression depends a lot on this.If she only sees you like a caretaker,there isnt much of a role for you to play when she does conquer her depression!Please reflect on this and sort things out.I know how it feels to stand by someone and then be abandoned by that same person.I would hate for that to happen to anybody else,especially to someone who has been as supportive as youve been! Learn how to be supportive if need be and get counseling yourself. Your story is pretty much identical to mine. Step by step. Head up, somewhere we still exist and can grow back to be ourselves. I see her every weekend, during the week I keep to myself play video games, homework, go over to a friends for a beer. If I talk in a neutral tone or raise my voice even slightly she says I am scary and becomes inconsolable. I think this is the best for us at this time, as I read up in this thread I see a lot of pain caused to both people as time goes on and I dont want that to happen to either of us. Kind regards, The GoodTherapy Team, Im going through a similar thing, Ive been with my girlfriend for 4 years, shes been through childhood trauma, depression, anxiety, borderline personality disorder, shes friendly when normal, considerate of others, respects me, whenever theres an emotional issue , though not my fault, she became destructive, recklessly destroyed everything she could see, started to be indifferent to me, aloof, aggressive, self-harm, said a lot of negative things, i love her i tried meditating and Self hypnosis to deceive my emotions, I dont know what to do, I dont know how long I can hold on, Im afraid Im really broken, it will hurt everyone. I am trying to help her but I could not help anymore than this.i could not concentrate on caring myself, could not eat or sleep well. I'm just not the same. And as you deal with their negativity, you may find yourself no longer interested in things you used to find fun like going out, being social, or, you know, leaving the apartment. It was new to me and i didnt know exactly how depressed people behave. And in one point of last month,she gave me a talk about how love is stupid and its just a distraction and that it doesnt last forever. But I love her and want to help. But I feel so guilty and ashamed and like a failure for wanting this and I dont know what to do. If you think youre a piece of poop, youre going to think others think that way too. Ive been with my girl for over 4 months now, but we have been good friends for more than 7 years. It truly could be your relationship that's to blame. She just dont know how to do this. We used to talk all day, have very long calls every night, laugh a lot, play together. She relies on me sitting down and talking sense to her, but I too feel like a caretaker, an older sibling or even a parent sometimes. It is not your role in this case. https://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html. We had went there to plan for an engagement, but all she had for us was a rejection, simply because I don't own a house. "Unhealthy relationships can literally make you feel drained of energy. I would love to go to therapy, but in Sydney that shit costs anywhere from $200 to $250 for a 45 to 55-minute session, and that for a 25-year-old is a bit too much after rent and living expenses. Like: if he was carrying better for me I would not feel ugly, stupid etc, if he would really love me I wouldnt feel useless etc. I could stay in bed 2 days in a row. I started to seek too much attention, because it felt finally a lille bit good to have this attention. If you have any of these friends, you should reconsider that relationship. Its a positive sign that you seem to have a solid sense not only of where she is, but also where you are. "Trust is lost and conflict often results in anger and finger pointing." Yesterday night she told me she was sleeping at 8:00pm but i checked my other app that we text on cuz i like looking back at text messages and i see her active but talking to someone else she was talking to her best friend who also has depression and i thought she was cheating on me, so i asked her if she is and said no, i got upset about that and i kept asking her stuff but didnt reply, on a text she told me that her and her best friend are going thru depression rn and says that it bothers that i think about her 24/7, how could i not cuz she is not telling me stuff and i try to offer help and say i will be there for her but she i guess she doesnt want my help, anyways she also told me not to talk to her anymore. Recently, she insulted both my mother and I in her home. Thanks for your testimony Ching. I always tell her I enjoy how she is my first thought when i wake up and the last. 3. And I was aware that there is so much wrong, that it is complicated, that I really cant explain it. I am fine with this, every self respecting man yearns for space of his own, so to me this was the perfect recipe. To see a list of mental health professionals practicing in your area, simply enter your ZIP code here: Youll feel like your carrying a heavy anchor your whole life and will always be exhausted emotionally. And dwelling in the state of permanent not-understanding-what-is-going-on is no option. Been experiencing something very similar in my relationship, I have been helping my girlfriend with her anxiety and depression for years as well and its been so long that often I feel down and hopeless too. But I really just wanted to Thank You for your post. I completely changed from confident cheeky fit guy to someones whose fat, very low self esteem and broken. Official HD video of Dragging Me Down. I dont want to get to the point of carer for her or to resent her because of her condition. Those are the moments you should be focusing on, that is the person that youre in a relationship with. Atlast I hate the word LOVE with cry. Lately she has been responding to me uncaringly and uninterested. Read on for some of those ways. Healthy couples can chat about pretty much anything. Fact is the depression got better since he mey, I struggle with episodes now, not the full playlist, so to speak. Your love will develop as you both learn (with help) how to manage your feelings and youll both be closer having supported one another through this difficult process. Maybe your girlfriend finds talking to her friend, who also has the same kind of problem, helpful in some way. Its hell and theres a lot of doubt in your thoughts like is it my fault, Im I the same, can I not make someone happy, am i insensitive. Even though we are long distance, I am finding it impossible to go on, and as I am at university, if I keep this up my grades are going to slip. It takes a huge amount of love to do that. Some times its okay but those are only the times when things are easy. So he . And also I realised that people dont like sad people. I can not just do sex all the time Im not a robot. Thank you for sharing. I feel as much like a caretaker as I do a boyfriend. This is verbatim my situation. I was two years out watching movie series to help me distract while I forced myself to eat. It would be way worse, and if you leave, then the relationship wouldnt be as big of a crutch and she and you can move on and grow. She says its her medication but shes been on it since the age of 15 and shes 45 now, Im 42 I knew I had a little depression here and there and a bit of self destructive I dont want to go to work kinda lazy crap going on. You took a leap when you wrote in with your question. Giving a quick comeback or getting angry will reinforce his behavior. Nothing you can do to help. Please keep in mind that GoodTherapy.org is an exclusive directory. I have been dealing with a depressed girlfriend for the last 3 months. You're so shallow. We stopped having sex last year because of her trauma. somewhere inside you still know that too, its a natural instinct. Am I taking the wrong approach? Talk, really talk openly without any criticism. Understand that put-downs are a reflection of the other person's insecurity and get support from trusted confidantes. I didt wanted help, I didnt wanted to tell people how sad I am (and that I dont know why) to anyone. Dont worry too much about your girlfriend saying that you shouldnt talk to her anymore. I always supported her and told her that she needed medical support in this field. My advise to you would be: Dont be too stressed out about it. This makes any conversion on other topics nearly impossible or difficult until her anxieties about her health are addressed. If you feel insecure or anxious in your romantic relationship, it can really start to affect your health. Second, if nothing changes over time let it go. Therapy and meds nothing will work. I wish you answers. My gf & I have been dating for only five months. Do they really want help? There are so many ways a relationship can be unhealthy, and therefore so many ways it can drag you down. "More importantly, there is balance in the relationship. I came over this weekend, she didnt seem to be too excited, she made me dinner but kept glancing at her phone, this hurt because she made less effort to communicate with me get she was on her phone more than usual. I am afraid that if I leave she will kill herself, she is completely obsessed with me and I cant escape. They take all the goodness from you and leave you with nothing but sadness and depression. 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